Sunday, May 13, 2012

----> Brooklyn.

Next week will mark a moderately significant change. I will officially become a resident of the fine borough of Brooklyn. About a month ago we found a sweet little apartment just a block down from Prospect Park. Here are some photos I clumsily snapped during our tour. It is immediately evident that the current tenants had relied on IKEA pretty heavily...







I'm fairly confident that I can use this space slightly better than these two losers. Just kidding. The current tenants are two male med students. I'm sure they concern themselves with far more important agendas than the fairly frivolous enterprise of making a pretty home.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Better.

This post was a long time coming. I'm pretty sure this place became livable after, like, a couple of months past move-in. There was Craigslist, and schlepping, and a good amount of figurative blood and sweat. In the end, it was pretty worth it. All the changes were superficial; no painting took place. In a month or so when I move, there's not much to be done but spackling. We've had a good run, Oaky Dorm Apartment. Here's a look at some of the tweaks.

Kitchen Before


Kitchen After


More of the After

Plates On A Wall, Son!


Bathroom Before


Bathroom After

Dining "Room" Before

Dining "Room" After

Bed Before

Bed After

 Office Before

 Office After

Reading Nook Before

Reading Nook After

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Oak In the City

Good news: New York City happened.
Somewhat bad news: the dorm design is pretty standard. That is to say, it's pretty fug. 
Proof:




I experienced some low-grade panic during Oakscare '11.
Feverish googling followed:


Not even close, Googers. "How to deal with college oak," duh. Why is that not a popular search?
FYI, no viable solutions emerged. Like, zero.
Let's start putting some lipstick on this hog.
Either that or cry-drinking.



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Grinding My Gears...

This Stupid Poster:
1939 and 2009 would very much like to hold a conference call with you. You know what they want.

"Accent Walls":
 Some people think that painting a single wall is a good alternative to painting an entire room.
It isn't. It looks like a lazy turd.

This Thing/Things:
Something about this outfit makes me think "Escape To Witch Mountain." It's a fanciful story about two siblings who possess paranormal abilities. It also makes me think of hookers.

The Thing's Work:
I had been thinking that it would be nice if someone gave Sandra Lee a surprise prefrontal lobotomy.
Considering this fugscape leads me to believe that perhaps somebody has already done such a thing.

It seems like there is nothing that I don't hate.
Not true.
Blessings be upon Him.

Anything "grinding your gears" lately?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Best of Train's "Drops of Jupiter" Covers

This post is dedicated to my good friend, Nick. Nick's undying devotion to the pop-rock sensation that is Train knows no natural bounds. Here are some choice covers, hand-picked by me for your listening pleasure.

Bro-riffic; Bros Don't Need To Tune

Douchetastically Contemplative

Nick, I hope that young Connor will inspire you to keep on in spite of your unfortunate speech impediment. Skip to 2:20 for the soulful riff.

This little dude brings the moxie! It is probably the most faithful embodiment of your singing style. Note artistic license at 1:38.

Keep practicing, Nick. Perhaps one day you too will create a video recording worthy of Youtube.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Sticks In A Vase

 "Sticks In A Vase" is an arrangement called upon by many a misguided soul in an attempt to beautify the living space, and it sucks. A lot. The following diagram explores the anatomy of this abomination.
Stupid. 
Let the following photographs demonstrate the use of this device in some traditional contexts.
Next to a fireplace...
Aside a dresser, buffet, or credenza...
In a dumb corner just for the hell of it...

As you can see, taller sticks are requisite, even if the scale of your container does not complement this glorious height. Shorter sticks would look plain ridiculous. It is best if the number of sticks used tests the maximum capacity of the container. Also, the sticks should be free of any leaves, buds, or natural branching. The effect should be more "neutered" rather than "natural." You should never try to dust or clean your branches in any way. The "SIAV" is the Augean Stables of quasi-plant arrangements, something better left untouched. Or unpurchased.


Friday, January 14, 2011

Facebook Politics: An Exegesis (Part 1)

Following the shooting in Tucson, Arizona, a heated partisan debate gripped the nation. The political left viewed the attack as an indirect biproduct of the violent imagery and rhetoric espoused by the far right. Sarah Palin, who had been widely credited with galvanizing the Republican base, quickly became the prominent object of the partisan controversy. Millions watched the debate unfold on Facebook, a popular social networking site.

Within a day of the infamous attack, two British college students, Rosanna Potter and Martin "Annie" Brown, created a Facebook page bearing an incendiary title: "Sarah Palin should die." Supporters of the former Alaska Governor expressed their outrage.

One John Crouse, an alleged Miami Dolphins fan, vehemently defended Mrs. Palin. 

A statement made by Mr. Crouse implied the following:

Sarah Palin=10(x), where x is Unit of Crap

If a British person with an IQ score exceeding 12 does indeed exist, it is probable that he or she would find the cofactor of 10 to be highly inadequate.

Mr. Crouse went on to explain that the image used to represent the Facebook group is misleading, as it had been created using a graphics editing program - something called 'a PhotoShop' (sic). Mr. Crouse claimed to be in possession of the original photograph, which depicts a fully clad Palin.  Presumably, the original has Mrs. Palin 'wearing a suit' as she wields a rifle poolside.

Karen Suzanne Columbus, a self-identified "Zionist Christian" and "hardcore Reagan conservative," expressed shock and disbelief.
Tony DeBona revealed that the administrators of the Facebook page are based in London, which is located in England. He did not explain the significance of this information. 
After considering his patriotic profile picture and chauvinistic indignation, Karen Suzanne Columbus requested that Mr. DeBona "friend her" on Facebook. Ms. Columbus entertained the notion of nurturing a Facebook relationship into a glorious romance with a true hero of the Republic.

Edwin Mattle deployed a colorful aspersion in denouncing the British people. At the time of writing, Mr. Mattle issued a suppressed giggle as he considered the clever variation on a humorous slur commonly used by the second-graders of America. 

In a run-on response, Donna Marie Majoroswald blamed the influence of the supposedly overwhelming Muslim population in the United Kingdom for the moral corruption of British youth. Via Leigh weighed in, implicating the carbohydrate-rich diet associated with British cuisine. For the record, the parents of Rosanna and Martin had quite the hearty laugh at the expense of Mrs. Palin's Facebook supporters.

Rosalie Stafford was not entertained.  Ms. Stafford accused the students of abusing drugs and having mental deficiencies.  Nobody accused Ms. Stafford of misogyny and racism.

Jennifer Martin erroneously pointed out that it is possible for the administrators of the page to "go to jail" as a direct result of organizing the Facebook group. She was emphatic about having reported the site in question, emphasizing the intellectual inferiority of the administrators due to the fact that they had dared to comment upon the politics of a foreign nation. Tony DeBona reiterated that the page had, in fact, been reported. At this point it was unclear where these reports were directed.

Debbie Biscconte reported the Facebook page to the FBI.  Karen Columbus was fairly positive that the FBI has the ability to trace Facebook accounts to the IP adresses associated with said accounts.

Michael Rome, an alleged fan of the New England Patriots, presented a more peaceful call to action.  Mr. Rome suggested that supporters of Mrs. Palin contact the university attended by the group's administrators.
Sir,
I am sure you are unaware of this but, when you commented on a face book page that called for the death of Sarah Palin you demonstrated a general incompetence as per the subject of your native language which is English, presumably.  Since you,  Mr. Rome , have chosen to parade your ignorance in a public forum, I think I can, at the very least, insist to use your writings for entertainments sake. Unless of course I view your deficiencie's as representative of the failing's of the American educational system. It does lead one to wonder what exactly you were learning at your high school and, possibly , college  and the quality of your teacher's. .